You only live once, right?

What exactly constitutes a regret? What exactly makes a life worth living, time well spent and actions worth sharing?

I like to say I have "no regrets", and in a sense, this is a true statement. I live for the fact that everything I have ever done was done with some sort of intention. If I did it, then I had to have wanted to do it, right? Does that make me selfish? Not in every sense. Of course I've done things I haven't wanted to, my altruistic moments for the people I care for, and the ones that have touched my heart. Even then, the action may not be my greatest desire, but my affection for them is. My ability to give myself to them in some way is my desire, to show them that I care and that I love them is such a great desire of mine.

Now to this "You only live once", or YOLO fad. Honestly, I don't totally hate it. Yes, I hate the acronym for it, and the lack of originality that comes along with it. But at the core of this phrase, there is truth. There lies our hearts desires, craving for adventure, spontaneity and the idea that this life is all we have, why waste it? And to that idea, I say "YOLO". I say it to the nights where all I want to do is drive to the airport and sit and watch people from all over the world pour into Atlanta. To the kisses shared with boys who have captured my eyes, my mind and even my heart. To the hours spent living through the eyes of a character in a favorite, much read book. To the nights of tv-watching, late night talks, early mornings cups of coffee and the trips to cities miles away on school nights. Am I living this way everyday? No, I'm not. I'm responsible in my actions, but in my thoughts and innermost desires, I am adventurous, spontaneous and unimaginably unsettled in all my ways.

The war on emotion: feelings as a sign of craziness and vulnerability

I'm an avid tumblr, and an avid advice giver. I find that when I'm reading someones blog post or letting a friend vent to me I seem to find them apologizing for getting emotional, or for expressing how they feel. They feel ashamed of their fear, haunted by their sadness and scared of their vulnerability. Everyone has emotions, and everyone should be allowed to feel how they feel, and even more so express how they feel and share it with those they care for. But recently this line has been drawn, especially in my generation, that only a certain amount of feeling is acceptable and beyond that you're irrational or crazy, unstable and incompatible. 

How sad is that though for our generation? That girls today are pushed into thinking that their feelings make them weak, and that their own vulnerability makes them undesirable and incapable of being accepted by those around them. I know for myself that I am incredibly passionate in all that I do. I dive in heart first to everything I do, therefore making myself vulnerable. And I've been hurt so many times do this, and yes, it hurts. But do I regret being passionate, do I regret the love I have for people and those around me simply due to the fear of being hurt again? No, I will continue to be passionate. I will probably also continue to set up walls, walls that I build to protect my heart while still allowing myself to be vulnerable to those that really deserve my heart. 

I know I'm going off on a little bit of a tangent here, but what I wanted to get at here is that emotions are real, and powerful and life changing. Where would we be without them?

I don't think you realize the influence you've had on me, on my life.

If you did, things wouldn't be like this. Or I would hope they wouldn't.


I'm too selfish. I know I am.

"And I sink to the bottom and rise to the top and I think to myself that I do this a lot."

   Have you ever had that one band, that band, that song, that album that you constantly have on repeat? You sing all the words, you constantly have the tunes in your head, and all you want to do is tell other people about them so that they'll love them too?

   As of recent, that has been the Avett Brothers for me. I know that they're not exactly a new band, but I've just fallen completely in love with them, and I feel its fitting for the place that I'm at right now, the point of view I have on my life and the way certain lyrics and songs relate so accurately to the way I'm feeling. Lyrics and verse and words that fit so perfectly in the way I'm feeling that no other explanation is necessary other than to sing at the top of my lungs with the windows rolled down, ray-bans on and experiencing these freeing moments from a hectic life. 


   A life, that is no where near bad, but just has overwhelming tendencies. A life that has habits of ups and downs, goods and bads, times that feel as if they're never going to look up and all you want to do is crawl into the bed, or drive really fast, or simply cuddle up to the person next to you and be perfectly still, allowing yourself to be in that moment, and in that moment alone. Because once things around you begin to move again, the 4 exams, 3 papers, 5 projects, sick grandparents, grieving parents and just the presence of friends and loved ones is a burden. But not a burden in the usual sense. Its a comforting burden, a burden that makes you aware of all the blessings in your life. All the opportunities you've been afforded, the privileges you've been granted and the people God has blessed you with. 

'Up with caffeine and down with a shot

constantly worried about what I got. 

Distracting my work but I can't make a stop 

and my confidence on and my confidence off. 

And I sink to the bottom and rise to the top 

and I think to myself that I do this a lot." 

- The Avett Brothers, "Talk on Indolence" 

   My life right now seems to be completely defined by this song, but it also proves to me that despite all the ups and downs, God has never given me something I can't handle. He will never give me something that he knows won't bring me closer to him.

I can't believe I still have followers

   College has gotten the best of me, and I've been up to my eyeballs in school work, best friends, boyfriend, and anything else you could possibly imagine over the last couple of months. Its been great though, it really has. 

My roomamate, Lindsay and me. She's great. She's a fabulous writer who 

seriously knows how to make everyone laugh.

 Whitney. She's the littlest person I know and I love her to death. She's crude and little and gets away with most things. She has her own language that we're slowly getting used to.

Lindsey! I love this girl, she's sweet, funny and super charismatic when she wants to be. She's also given me the nickname, MamaBear. (Whitney's a weirdo in this picture)

   I've managed to find the best friends I could possibly imagine, and out of a pure miracle, I'm living with them, and will be next year and hopefully more than that. I love them so much, seriously. Yes, we can all drive each other crazy sometimes, but I've never had a friendship like this. One where I tell them everything, and we just do the weirdest shit we can possibly think of together because we know none of us will judge the others. I've seen way more and heard way more about all of their business than I could ever want to, but I don't mind because I love them, and I'm just so thankful for them. 


  School is great. I love it, I'm so glad I ended up where I did. I couldn't have asked for a better college experience, seriously. I'm in love with it. 


  Boyfriend. He's great, really. We've friends for a while. It somehow developed into more, don't ask me how, it just happened. It still confused me, but I'm okay with that. I can't wait to see where this relationship goes. 


I just wanted to update a little bit, partly because I kind of just remembered about this and partly because I missed everyone on here and I feel horrible for losing touch with so many great people out here in the blogland that I adore so much. 


I know I don't update this as much as I'd like to, but I tumble now, its addicting as so easy. Please follow me if you'd like. 


http://tarvistalkshere.tumblr.com/


Lastly, I need to read this everyday. Every single day.

“If you’re feeling frightened about what comes next, don’t be. Embrace the uncertainty. Allow it to lead you places. Be brave as it challenges you to exercise both your heart and your mind as you create your own path towards happiness, don’t waste time with regret. Spin wildly into your next action. Enjoy the present, each moment, as it comes; because you’ll never get another one quite like it. And if you should ever look up and find yourself lost, simply take a breath and start over. Retrace your steps and go back to the purest place in your heart… where your hope lives. You’ll find your way again.”

- Gilmore Girls

recent thought

"Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ"- Philippians 3:8

Now the amazing Switchfoot song/lyric:

"Everything I have I count as loss

Everything I have is stripped away

before I started building I counted up these costs

theres nothing left for you to take away" - Hello Hurricane

This is unconditional love...

He is quite possibly the sweetest, most dear thing to my heart.

he's a sweet snuggler, who can't fall asleep unless he's pressed against your side playing with your hair. He's crazy and wacky and has such a great personality. 

You'd never know that he was 8 and couldn't talk or communicate by just looking at him, because he's just so darn cute. 

So for now, I'll just love on him and fall asleep babysitting this sweet, sweet, sweet boy of mine.